


tentative touches that lift and linger

by enby0angel



Category: Naruto
Genre: 5+1, Comfort, Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, It just sorta happened, M/M, Touch Aversion, Umino Iruka Adopts Uzumaki Naruto, gods save me it's 4:30 am, no beta we die like men, soft, somewhere along the line, this was born from random thought trains and projection, touch starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26030476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enby0angel/pseuds/enby0angel
Summary: Touch was not something Iruka had ever been particularly partial to, and that was just a fact of his life.Or: 5 times Iruka wasn’t initially comfortable with people touching him, and 1 time he was craving it.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Umino Iruka & Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi & Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Mitarashi Anko & Umino Iruka, Sarutobi Asuma & Umino Iruka, Shiranui Genma & Umino Iruka, Umino Iruka & Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 23
Kudos: 286





	tentative touches that lift and linger

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stupidbadgers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidbadgers/gifts).



> For badger!! I hope you get well soon, amiga <3
> 
> this is 110% projection onto Iruka. I cannot help this. I have no idea what else to say. 
> 
> Unbeta'd and I skimmed over it for typos. Ambiguous timeline, all mistakes are mine, etc etc. Enjoy!
> 
> (Title from the poem "Old Furniture" by Thomas Hardy.)

_i. ikkaku & kohari_

Touch was not something Iruka had ever been particularly partial to, and that was just a fact of his life.

He didn’t really notice it until he started at the Academy, in a classroom full of children always pushing and shoving each other and just generally playing rough. Whenever one of the other kids would come up to him and touch him, whether it was an arm around his shoulders or a hand on his arm, his first instinct was always to step back and away from the touch. He never joined in the playground games that required tackling someone because the thought just made him squeamish.

Even a teacher’s hand on his shoulder made him flinch – not because he was afraid, just because he _really_ didn’t want anyone touching him. His teachers usually noticed and didn’t touch him again, but there was one particular teacher he had that would instead grip his shoulder tighter, like he was trying to make sure Iruka was completely focussing on what he said.

_Well, joke’s on you, sensei,_ he would later think as he reminisced those incidents, because the only thing he could focus on at the time was how badly he  _didn’t want that hand on his shoulder_ .  He had no idea what the teacher was actually saying at the time.

He’d asked his parents about it once. He’d asked, “People touching me makes me uncomfortable, or feel sick. Am I a bad person?”

His mother had knelt in front of him, mercifully not touching him. “Of course not, sweetheart,” she’d answered warmly. “You’re not the only one, you know. Some people just don’t like other people touching them all that much. It’s not bad that physical contact makes you uncomfortable.”

“Really?”

“Of course.” She smiled at him. “Thank you for telling me. Your father and I will ask before touching you from now on, okay?” Iruka had nodded and felt a weight lift from his chest. “Can I hug you?” his mother had asked, and Iruka had nodded again and let her wrap her arms around him, not feeling uncomfortable in the slightest.

He’d gotten better at asserting himself as he grew older, saying things like “Please don’t touch me”, or, “Excuse me, that makes me uncomfortable”. It was only little things, but they felt like huge steps to Iruka.

His parents praised him every time he said something like this to them, and always asked before touching him. It was the casual “May I?” from his father, waiting for Iruka’s nod before slinging an arm around his shoulders, and the “Do you mind?” from his mother before brushing his hair into beautiful braids for him.

Iruka wasn’t a bad person, he just… wasn’t a very touchy-feely person, that’s all.

  
  


_ii. asuma_

Nobody had touched Iruka but the doctors for months, and it was starting to  _ache_ . He was existing in a constant state of internal conflict: despising every touch that was laid on him but also wanting someone to just  _hold_ him  _so badly_ . 

His pranks, something he knew was just a desperate cry for attention, had caught the notice of the Sandaime, who had taken to inviting him for tea and shogi in his office. Thankfully, the man had noticed Iruka’s general aversion to touch and had respected it, letting Iruka have his clearly defined space. 

The Sandaime’s outgoing son, Asuma, four years Iruka’s senior, had not immediately noticed this fact and had been casually slapping his back or ruffling his hair at every turn. It was only until Asuma leaned his elbow on Iruka’s shoulder and saw the younger boy tense up completely like he was prepared to run, that he finally began backing off. Iruka relaxed minutely when Asuma wasn’t touching him anymore, but didn't step away.

Weeks turned into months, and somewhere along the line, Iruka had found himself becoming increasingly more comfortable in Asuma’s presence. He still came up  close  to  Iruka but didn’t touch him; catching up to him in the street, peering over his shoulder as he did homework or read books on sealing. Iruka felt grateful for both the closeness and the lack of contact.

During training with Asuma one day, they’d been sparring to help Iruka work on his taijutsu (seriously, how was sealing theory easier to understand than  _ this _ ?). Asuma had stopped them, made his way over to Iruka with his arms outstretched, and then stopped to ask, “Do you mind?”

Numbly, with only his father’s face in his mind, Iruka shook his head. Asuma placed his hands on Iruka’s shoulders and slightly adjusted his stance,  and apparently that was all it took these days.

Asuma jumped back like he’d been shocked when tears started rolling down Iruka’s cheeks. Iruka growled at himself, bringing his hands up to rub furiously at his eyes. Asuma swore and then asked, “You okay?”

Iruka turned tail and ran.

Asuma didn’t find him until the middle of the night – Iruka had gotten pretty good at dodging people. Iruka was on the roof of the Hokage building long after the Sandaime had gone home, hugging his knees to his chest and staring out into the distance. Asuma quietly came over and sat next to him. He didn’t say anything, and Iruka knew he was waiting for him to explain.

After a moment of silence, Iruka took a deep breath and began quietly, “My mum was the first one to tell me that I wasn’t a bad person for not liking it when people touch me, y’know? She was the one who taught me to tell people when it made me uncomfortable, and she and my dad always asked before touching me.”

“And that was the first time I ever asked,” Asuma hummed in understanding.

Iruka nodded. “You just... reminded me of her.”

There was another moment of silence between the two. Then, “Hey ‘Ruka?”

“ Yeah?”

“Can I hug you?”

Iruka looked over to see total sincerity on Asuma’s face. Suddenly fighting back more tears, he nodded. Asuma shuffled over and put an arm around Iruka’s shoulders and Iruka leaned into him, and soon they were clutching at each other in kin desperation.

That was the first night that Iruka had been called  _ little brother _ , and it definitely wouldn’t be the last.

  
  


_ iii. anko & genma _

Iruka grew easily into adult life in a shinobi village, where casual contact wasn’t all that common. He had a desk between himself and his students, and a mission desk between himself and everyone else. His chuunin vest felt like another layer of protection between himself and the world, one that he valued. 

Iruka was generally more comfortable with Asuma touching him by now, and short touches from his older brother didn’t usually bother him. 

There was a certain couple of tokujo who started hanging around him for whatever reason and easily integrated themselves into his daily life.  Iruka, much like with Asuma, was grateful for their company without physical touch.

The two of them had both noticed Iruka’s general touch aversion on a particularly lazy day when the three of them had been walking aimlessly through the market, looking for a nearby dango shop to sate Anko’s hunger. They’d been laughing about something or other and Genma had gone to clap his hand on Iruka’s shoulder. Iruka had neatly sidestepped him, causing Genma to stumble and nearly tip over as his hand met nothing but air. Anko had laughed her head off at this, Genma shooting Iruka a playful glare. Iruka had only shrugged, and Genma held his hands up in surrender, a sign of understanding. Iruka had smiled at him gratefully, and Anko had swapped places with Iruka so she could lean against Genma while she caught her breath instead of against Iruka.

She’d gotten her dango eventually.

That was a good day.

  
  


_ iv. naruto _

Finding a kindred spirit in the boy who housed the demon who killed his parents was not something Iruka ever expected, but apparently anything is possible.

Naruto Uzumaki was actually a very bright little child, in the sense that a single genuine smile could light up a room. When he started talking about something he was passionate about he just didn’t stop. His pranks were good, if not in need of some improvement, and he had an acute skill at dodging his ANBU guards.

He also remained unaware of the beast sealed inside of him, but that would be a topic for another day.

The one thing Iruka noticed about Naruto, a thing they had in common, was that Naruto aggressively avoided any physical touch aimed his way. But unlike Iruka, Naruto had a reason for his avoidance that made Iruka want to hunt down each and every person that had ever laid their hands on this child who barely knew how to hold a kunai properly.

Naruto was genuinely skittish around people in a way Iruka wasn’t. Naruto hated being stuck in the middle of a crowd as much as he hated being the one left behind. Every touch Naruto had ever had in his life was a touch intended to hurt him, and that was something Iruka hoped would be rectified, in time.

Naruto stuck around Iruka outside of school hours, almost shadowing him.  It was endearing, in its own way. Iruka got the feeling that Naruto was comfortable around him  _ because _ Iruka didn’t touch him, and didn’t expect any touch in return. Iruka felt himself becoming more and more affectionate towards the boy every day.

He also knew that he would be more than happy to touch the boy now, should he ask. But he would wait, for he thought that Naruto wasn’t quite ready yet.

It was on a fine day where Naruto had poured flour over an ANBU and then managed to evade said ANBU on a wild chase all around the village that Iruka found him at the Hokage monument, swinging his legs and looking up at the sky. Naruto looked over to see who was approaching, and quickly looked down again. Iruka chuckled, coming over and sitting close but not touching.

“ While I don’t think that pranking and angering ANBU should be a habit of yours,” Iruka said, “I am impressed with how easily you get away from them.”

Naruto looked over at him again. “Really?” he asked, a hint of excitement in his tone.

Iruka hummed an affirmation. “What’d this one do to you?” he asked.

Naruto shrugged. “They were watching me,” he said simply. “They were being annoying.”

“Understandable.” Iruka nodded.

They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, perhaps a little odd for Naruto, but Iruka didn’t question him. Eventually, though, Naruto piped up, “Iruka-sensei?” His voice was shaky, uncertain.

Iruka shifted so he was facing the boy more. “Yes, Naruto?”

“Can I… can I hug you?” Naruto asked timidly.

Iruka couldn’t help the wide grin that broke over his face, nor the warm feeling in his chest. “Of course you can.” Naruto lit up, and all but launched himself into Iruka’s outstretched arms.  Iruka wrapped his arms around the child, almost enveloping him, and ran a hand through his hair. Naruto cuddle close to him in response.

They stayed like that for a while.

  
  


_ v. kakashi _

After a few meetings and observations of Kakashi Hatake, Iruka deduced a common misconception that the village at large seemed to have about him.

Kakashi, Iruka determined, was not touch-averse like everyone made him out to be.

On the surface, sure, it might seem that way. Kakashi didn’t touch anyone first, and never sought out physical contact on an obvious level. He seemed like the kind of shinobi that would sooner slice your hand off than let you touch him, both by reputation and by his general demeanour.

Yes, Iruka could easily see underneath the lazy and porn-addicted persona he put on. Not to mention that the mission reports he’d received from Kakashi over the years were oftentimes horrendous and nightmare-inducing. He also suspected Kakashi of being former ANBU, which would make a lot of sense given that he was one of the most powerful shinobi in the village.

And yet, Iruka noticed Kakashi’s actions and habits  with the people he considered friends. When Asuma easily clapped him on the shoulder, some of the tension drained from him. When Gai grabbed him or hugged him or did any of the things that Gai is wont to do, Kakashi never fought him or pushed him away or tried to escape. At first Iruka might have brushed it off as  _ Gai will be Gai _ , but he noticed that Kakashi almost actively leaned into Gai’s touches sometimes.

And despite some of the gossip, he didn’t believe there was or had ever been anything romantic between those two. Iruka had been people-watching for long enough to know the difference.

And when Kakashi and Iruka had found common ground and became good friends, Iruka started to notice smaller things. While Kakashi would never touch Iruka, he would lean towards him and then stop, as if waiting for Iruka to meet him halfway. Yet he never got disappointed when Iruka did not do just that. He would wait, and keep waiting.

Kakashi did the same thing with Naruto. The boy was skittish around Kakashi at first, sticking close to Iruka whenever the three of them were in the same place, but warmed up to him quickly. Iruka wondered if maybe now that Naruto knew that not everyone was out to hurt him, maybe he’d start to trust more people.

“ Naruto doesn’t like people touching him,” Iruka had warned Kakashi. “Ask first. Let him come to you.” So Kakashi had done just that, and soon enough Naruto was running up to Kakashi when he’d join them for ramen, grabbing his arm and dragging him over to the table. Iruka was sure Kakashi would cry for a second there, the first time it happened.

It was after one of those nights that, as Kakashi had begun to take his leave, that Naruto had called out “Kashi-san!” and ran after him. Kakashi had turned to find the boy standing right in front of him, staring up at him with steely blue eyes. “Can I hug you?” he asked, voice filled with determination so unlike how he’d asked Iruka the first time.

Kakashi had clearly been taken aback, standing frozen and staring down at this child for a moment. Iruka smiled and slid his hands into his pockets. The action caused Kakashi to snap out of it, eyes flicking up to Iruka for a second before returning to Naruto. “Sure,” he choked out. “’Course you can.”

Naruto wasted no time in throwing himself at Kakashi and wrapping his arms around his waist, Kakashi catching him easily. Kakashi seemed so much looser all of a sudden, the tension having totally disappeared in a split second.  And then the moment was over, Naruto running back over to Iruka and yelling “Bye Kashi-san!” He grabbed Iruka’s hand and started dragging him off. Iruka looked back to Kakashi, who gave a small wave. Iruka waved back, and let Naruto lead him away.

Kakashi dropped by Iruka’s apartment a couple of days later, joining Iruka at the table where he was grading student work. This time, when Kakashi leaned towards him, Iruka leaned back. Kakashi seemed surprised at first, when Iruka met him halfway, but then relaxed against him, and began his usual comments about the students’ work.

  
  


_ +i _

Touch was not something Iruka had ever been particularly partial to,  and that was just a fact of his life.

H owever, some days the touch starvation outweighed his usual touch aversion, and he spent the day almost physically aching from the fact that he wanted someone to hug him.

One of those days came on one of Kakashi’s regular unannounced visits to his apartment. He must have noticed the tension lining Iruka’s shoulders,  because he immediately came into his close-but-not-touching territory where Iruka was leaning up against the kitchen counter. “Hey,” he said softly. “You okay?”

Iruka just sighed and looked up at him. “Could you hug me?” he asked bluntly.

Kakashi chuckled. “Of course,” he said, so Iruka set his cup of coffee on the bench and stepped into Kakashi’s waiting arms. One of Kakashi’s arms went around his waist, holding him close, while the other hand tugged Iruka’s hairtie out, and he started gently combing his fingers through his hair. Iruka sighed and leaned his head against Kakashi’s neck.

“Do me a favour,” Iruka mumbled.

Kakashi gently pulled at a particularly stubborn knot. “Anything for you.”

Deciding not to fight his blush, Iruka just said, “Don’t let me go for a year or so, ‘kay?”

The hand that was in his hair came down over his neck and then cupped his cheek, and Iruka lifted his head so they could see each other. “Iruka,” Kakashi murmured, “I would very much like to kiss you right now.”

Iruka just smiled, leaning into Kakashi’s hand. “Please do,” was all he had to say  before Kakashi had his mask down and soft lips were on his and then they were melting into each other.

Eventually they found themselves on Iruka’s couch, Iruka wrapped up in Kakashi’s arms as they dozed off together.

_ Definitely _ worth the loud yelling from Naruto when he got home, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading!! Comments and kudos are loved and treasured <3


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